


October 9

by RealDaveofDaves



Series: The Maze of Moments - A Clay and Justin Story [9]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Anniversary of Hannah's Death, F/M, Grief, Grief/Mourning, Hannah Baker's Death, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 05:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16212275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RealDaveofDaves/pseuds/RealDaveofDaves
Summary: In which it is one year for the Gang....





	October 9

**Author's Note:**

> No specific warning per se, but obvious references to events in Season One and the novel.

_You can shed tears that she is gone_  
_or you can smile because she has lived._

 _You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back_  
_or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left._

 _Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her_  
_or you can be full of the love you shared._

 _You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday_  
_or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday._

 _You can remember her and only that she’s gone_  
_or you can cherish her memory and let it live on._

 _You can cry and close your mind,_  
_be empty and turn your back_  
_or you can do what she’d want:_  
_smile, open your eyes, love and go on._

_\- David Harkins_

 

 

A caravan of three cars pulled into the cemetery and made their way through the winding roads within it, passing rows of gravestones. The day was bright and sunny, a gentle breeze barely moving the leaves and limbs of the trees that stood as silent witnesses and guardians of the deceased. There was a serenity to it all, quiet and calm. That quiet matched the silence that had fallen over the occupants of the vehicles as they drove slowly towards a small incline.

In the first car were the brothers and their girlfriends. The curly haired of the two brothers was driving at his insistence, wanting to make this day as easy as possible for the other, knowing how hard it would be on him. Normally their day would have started with playful, teasing banter, the type of prodding expected between siblings. That morning, however, Justin awoke knowing that he had to be an especially good brother that day, refraining from any kind of taunting or the use of his pet name for his adopted brother. There was no 'dumbass' this morning, only Clay. Even his adopted parents knew that this day was going to be difficult on their oldest son, and they kept breakfast conversation minimal and light. Both Matt and Lainie went to sleep the night before greatly concerned about how Clay would handle the upcoming anniversary. Matt had gone so far as to contact Stanley Keyworth before leaving campus that afternoon to forewarn him in case he received a call from one of them. Thankfully, though, while Clay was obviously sad, he engaged with each of them as they ate that morning.

He had told his parents of his intentions for this day, and while they normally would not advocate skipping school, especially in light of the previous year and all that had happened, today they understood, and Lainie called Liberty High before leaving for work.

The second car, the Mustang, had four teenage boys, three of whom had been at the center of the events one year ago. The fourth was not, but he was more than familiar with everything that had happened. Cyrus was there not only to support his boyfriend, Alex, and the rest of his friends, but also because it was the right thing to do.

Tony, Zach and Alex were each lost in their own thoughts, each wondering "what if." What if I had been a better friend? What if I hadn't of been a coward, and not given in to peer pressure? What if I had realized what was happening sooner? These were not new thoughts by any means, and each had mentally wrestled with them over the preceding three hundred and sixty five days, each coming up with a hundred different ways to have done it all so differently.

The two girls in the Prius in front of them had similar thoughts, and both Sheri and Jessica silently wondered if there could ever be enough to atone for what they had done or what they did not do.

Lastly, following the Mustang, were Ryan and Courtney.

Ryan had taken a gap year following his graduation from Liberty High, and had started to travel the country before taking a long planned trek across Europe. When Clay reached out to him, he flew back to California from Chicago, meeting up with everyone the night before at Monet's. He and Courtney had spoken some about their memories, thoughts and regrets on the drive over, sharing them with Scott, who sat in the back seat. Like Cyrus, he had not been at the center of the storm last year. Just like Cyrus, though, he was well aware of everything that had happened and how much his friends had suffered in their own ways because of it. He, too, was there for support.

After a couple of minutes, they had arrived, and three cars parked. Doors opened and then closed as eleven teenagers exited their respective vehicles and started the slow walk. Some, like Clay and Sheri, held hands as they did so.

Each had a flower. Each flower was different. That was Ryan's suggestion, that rather than bringing a dozen of one variety or the other, they should each have a different kind. So there were tulips and forget-me-nots, carnations and marigolds. But no roses. She hated roses.

There was no need to hurry, and not just because Alex walked with a slight limp.

And there it was. The headstone.

**Hannah Baker**

**August 28, 2000 – October 9, 2017**

 

Clay took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Sheri squeezed his hand as he did so, and he looked at her and smiled sadly.

They stood in a semi-circle. Some bowed their heads, eyes closed. Others stared straight ahead.

Justin blinked away some tears, and wiped at his eyes.

A minute went by. Then another. Then a third.

Finally, Clay let go of Sheri's hand, nodding at her, as he stepped forward and turned to his friends.

"So...thank you all for agreeing to come this morning and skipping class today. It means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to Hannah. This past year has been so hard in so many ways for all of us....and it's also been the best. We've all come together and have become really good friends, and I know I wouldn't have made it without each of you there to help me. And along the way, I got an amazing girlfriend and a new brother." He paused to smile at Justin and Sheri, who each smiled back. "I like to think that Hannah would be very happy and very proud to see how far we've all come, and how we've supported and loved each other, and how we're trying to make our school a better place for each and every student.

"No one should ever be made to feel as if they don't belong....or be treated as if they were second class....or be in fear of harm. And I also like to think that Hannah would be proud of how we're each trying our very best to live up to that, to be good examples for others to follow, especially the new freshmen this year. As seniors now, or graduates like Ryan, it's up to us. It's up to all of us. I know we're each going to take some time on our own here this morning, and I don't want to make a big speech or anything..."

He turned to look at Hannah's headstone. "So, Hannah. It's been one year. We still miss you.....we still love you. We hope that wherever you are, you have found the peace and happiness you deserve. Watch over us...wait for us....and..."

Clay stopped as his lower lip began to tremble. He had tried so hard all morning to hold it in, and had done so well. But he could hold it in no longer, and a sob caught in his throat as he brought his right hand up, covering his mouth as he shut his eyes. Justin, Tony and Sheri came up quickly. His brother wrapped his arms around him from behind and rested his head on Clay's upper back. Sheri wrapped her arms around his right one. Tony leaned forward and rested his head against the side of Clay's.

The others slowly moved forward and in, leaning forward in a group embrace. Arms and hands wrapped around Clay or reached out to him like a large blanket that warms and comforts on a frigid night. After crying for a few moments, Clay nodded and cleared his throat, signaling that he wanted to continue, and his friends stepped back some.

He finished in a broken voice. "Watch over us...wait for us...and one day soon, we'll....see you again."

With that, he stepped forward and knelt next to the headstone, laying the flower he held in front of it. He kissed the fingers on his right hand, and then tenderly rubbed them across the engraving of Hannah's name. He closed his eyes again, and stood back up after a few quiet moments.

Each of them in turn took a few moments alone with Hannah.  Jess, sang softly, and those close to her, like Justin, could hear the words of "Precious Lord, Take My Hand."  Scott and Cyrus each took their turn with heads bowed, sharing in the grief of their friends. Ryan pulled out a piece of paper, and read from "Pilgrim's Progress" by John Bunyan:

_I see myself now at the end of my journey; my toilsome days are ended. I am going now to see that Head that was crowned with thorns, and that Face that was spit upon for me.... But glorious it was to see how the open region was filled with horses and chariots, with trumpeters and pipers, with singers and players on stringed instruments, to welcome the pilgrims as they went up, and followed one another in at the beautiful gate of the city._

Tony, Zach and Courtney each spoke in whispers as they took their turns, as did Alex, who had come up with assistance from Cyrus.

Like Clay, Sheri knelt next to the headstone for several minutes in silence.

Finally, Justin came forward. Because he had been "Reason #1," he deliberately chose to go last, and just as Clay had been unable to hold it in any longer, neither could his brother. He stood and started to cry, saying that he was sorry for what he had done, and that he wished he could go back, turn back time, and change things. Clay came over and put a hand on Justin's shoulder, causing him to turn and fall into his brother's embrace. Clay brought up his hand and caressed the back of Justin's neck.

Eleven flowers were left at Hannah's grave, and eleven people walked back to their cars.

"Guys?" Zach said to the group. "Can we wait a couple minutes before heading back? I...want to go see my dad."

"Absolutely," Clay nodded. "Take all the time you want."

Courtney stepped over to Zach and took his hand. "Can I come with you?"

"I..I'd like that. Thanks, Court," he smiled as they walked off.

Scott walked up to Clay. "Hey. Let's go see our friend. Okay?"

Clay hesitated for a moment and looked at Sheri, who kissed his cheek and nodded. "Go ahead," she told him. "It'll be good for you. I'll be here, we all will. Okay?"

Clay nodded back at her, kissing her, and walked away with Scott, who had put his arm around his shoulders, to visit the grave of Jeff Atkins. He hadn't been able to bring himself to do this yet, even though Dr. Keyworth had suggested it to him to bring about some closure. Perhaps his circle of friends being there made it easier, perhaps it was because Scott had suggested it, or maybe because it was the emotion of the day. Whatever the reason, it felt right to do so this morning, in spite of his earlier trepidation. Together they walked, the jock and his unlikely friend, and together they took several minutes in silence in front of another headstone.

It wasn't the fullness of closure that Clay sought or needed, but he did feel better after having done so. He promised himself that he would come back again, maybe with Scott or maybe by himself, and spend time with Jeff, whom he missed just as badly as he did Hannah.

It was now approaching an hour since the three cars had arrived. The friends all having returned, the time had come to take their leave.

Clay stood and stared in the direction of Hannah's grave before turning to get in the Prius.

"Clay?" Justin asked as he came back over.

"Yeah. I'm ready. Thank you, big bro."

"You're welcome, little bro."

Turning to everyone else, Clay said so they could hear, whether they were in cars or not: "Okay...let's head to Monet's."

Three cars started and pulled away.

It was a difficult day, this Tuesday, October 9. But it was because it was the first one, the first commemoration of the turning point in their lives. There would be many more to come, and each succeeding October 9 would get easier. The pain would still be there, but the passage of time would gradually lessen that.

As Justin drove, Clay looked out the passenger side window.

"Are you okay, Handsome Guy?" Sheri asked from the back.

"Yeah...I was just thinking is all."

"What about?" Justin asked.

"About how much I love all of you. How lucky I am. How lucky we all are. And....about tomorrow."

 

_ Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. _

* * *

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Mazers.
> 
> When I started to write "A Maze of Moments" this summer, I knew I wanted to include something, either a chapter or a one-shot, that would commemorate the one year anniversary of Hannah's death. As the original story progressed and came to its natural conclusion, that meant this would be a stand-alone, which is fine. Eventually, Book Two of "A Maze of Moments" will appear, and the story you have just read will fit into the context of that.
> 
> I truly hope you enjoyed this. I originally planned on publishing it on the actual anniversary, but I am immensely proud of it and have decided to go ahead and post it now. 
> 
> The two stories I've started? Well, I'll get back to them later this coming week. But for now, let's just leave this for a few days.
> 
> I look forward to your comments and feedback as always, and thank you so much for reading. As always, stay tuned, Clay and Justin and the rest of the Gang will return very soon. Take care.


End file.
